god bless the child

so i must be over my ageism. i have been dating and hooking up with some younger guys. its not bad. they dont expect me to be the sugar daddy. they pay their own way even though i offer ( most of the time). i guess what gets me now is they are all so tall.so fucking tall. 6'0 ,6'3" 6'6" etc. excuses excuses just relax and enjoy their young bodys while they enjoy my old one. I need to face that fact that some guys like older guys and thank god that they do . its amazing. i feel amazing i feel ...... dare i say it attractive. i feel smart. i feel even sexy. they are a lot of fun. I have been lucky. its in there youth that I feel empowered to be a grown up and open up and not judge myself....... even in the judgment the old man pervert role is sometime fun to play.

maybe he will... maybe he wont

ginder, scruff, growlr, and every gay app on my phone. in hopes that he will just log on and we will once again be reunited.
its a fine line between hopeful and well pathetic for most. for me truth be told i am so deep on the pathetic side that even hope has lost its glimmer. there is no longer a line. im just completely lost. madly deeply infatuated with some one  who lives........ (enter deep breath) on the west side.  were not talking the at the wire of la brea. but sandy beaches, choloera water, sea bird shirt every where west side. where the sand has an oil slick and get in your shoes. and thats just a block west of the 405. he is even further.  further where the fog is locked in until the late afternoon and the sky just looks white and the water grey. gross. how could i like someone who lives there?
how do you save a west sider?
do they want to be saved?
look to the east young man and be reborn.
maybe its the fog that is blocking his view. maybe the sunny side of the east is in my eye and i am unable to see him.
i do miss him. and here i sit writing one more time about the one who got away. will east and west ever meet again?