spanking

today i went to a spanking party.

although curious about spanking its not really a sexual turn on for me.

at least i didn't think so.

as i walked around looking in on peoples "scenes". what i found that was a huge turn on was the stories or the talking/role playing while the spanking was happening.

i overheard a man talking about growing up in a military house hold. wearing his tight white briefs and having his dad feel his ass up before and after he spanked him as a kid. then as he got older would have spanking parties with a cousin who had the same experience.

in another room there was a man getting spanked who was being called a bad boy a dirty boy and heaven would not allow him in because he was being a bad catholic boy. he started out in underwear and later the spanker pull his under pants down. this man was being spanked with bare hands, and a leather belt. i would have lost it (my load) if the spanker would have hit him with a ruler or a wood paddle.

the final scene that i watched was a younger "spanking top who took his time and make the bottom pick a # and count out the spanks. this also started with underwear and then a bare ass.

i did start to leak a little bit and my curiosity was peaked enough to go back.

where do i go from here

where do i go from here?

i am looking for a sign if i am doing the right thing.

im scared and nervous and unemployed.

this reads like i am pathetic. LOL maybe i am .

i guess while i am at it i should add to my pathetic list i am also single.

gay and single if i were to play the race card.

so where do i go from here and how do i fix it?

is it fixable?

does it need to be fixed? well maybe the job part does.

here it goes.

i am employable..... i have been unemployed for the past 2 months.

in my world of work that is unusual for me. i am a freelance artist.

i needed to take some time off and now im having a hard time getting back into it.

work that is. althought at times ......ok most of the time i would love the distraction of work to keep my mind occupied .

i am also in the process of buying a loft.

that in its self is HUGE at least for me. on one hand i feel like a dumb ass. i am overwhelmed by everything involved with the process on the other hand it beats trying to invest my money any other way.