raising daddy

The other day a buddy of mine from college texted me a photo of Eric one of my college room mates.
The photo was of Eric in present day. Not the same fresh faced kid from Indiana that I remember.
Now, keep in mind that this was my second college, so I was 3 years older than most of the fresh out of high school peers.
My close circle of friends to me, do not look old. We range from 43-50. Funny however that in my 20's that seemed so old. I myself am 47 I am a single gay man living in Los Angeles. Being single and being that age the dating pool is either very small or I am looking for love in the wrong places. The men I meet my age or in my box/bracket are most likely in a relationship or are looking for a younger man.
I to have been reeled into the younger mans focus as of late. They are attractive. they are creative, they are everything I am looking for or at least I think that they are. Until I do the age math. Its not always but there have been time when I am the same age as their fathers. Its sobering to wake up to a man you feel attracted to playing a video game on his phone while you sleep.  Even more perverse is finding out they were born after you graduated High School. In my old pea brain I can not seem to figure it out and jump the hurdle of the age difference. Is there a hurdle? Do I really have an old brain? is it pea sized?
In the mirror I do not look 47. My friends do not look to be in their 40's. Very kindly they tell me I look younger. Why is it that I cannot seem to get my age out of my head.
Is it the fact that if I date someone in their 20's or 30's I am reminded of where I was in my life at that age and can not be supportive?
A friend once told me, that when you are young and date older you need the security. when you date your own age you are secure and when you date young you are grasping at straws. How is it possible to go from being secure ( dating from my box) to grasping at straws? Is there not a mid range where you just relax and enjoy the company of the one you are with? turn off the calculator in my head and not think about the age difference? Embrace the sound of video games and comic books and enjoy the feel of another man laying next to you? Even though you are old enough to be his dad?
Maybe out there somewhere is a man who may be younger than myself but with an old soul who can sense this in me and hold my hand and walk me thru it- or push me thru it and keep me covered with a lap blanket. Just like I would do for him.